Nobody Likes a Telemarketer!

I found this on the internet today and thought you gentle readers might enjoy it as much as I did.

old-phoneI was at home the other night, in the middle of dinner when the phone rang.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T…

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T…

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T…

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr Salem, please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: Okay, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Tomlin-Lille-OperatorErnestine-01colorMe: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T…

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren’t selling phones today, Mr Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I’m really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don’t think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying “I’m really not interested”, but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I’m sure she meant she was offering a “rate” of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word “rate”. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (Getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That’s right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow! That’s amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That’s quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it’s amazing how it adds up.

Me: Okay, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly, or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week, and $52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you’ll be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn’t you say you’d give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but…

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying you’ll give me 10 cents a minute that I’ll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don’t use your alien brainwashing techniques on me!

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for…

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?

AT&T: Yes, Mr Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I’m waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food…

Supervisor: Mr Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T?)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: Okay, no problem, I’ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr Salem. I understand you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: No, but do you have that friends and family thing because I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little brother…

imagesAT&T: (Click)

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